This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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