Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
