im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
