If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
