I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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