If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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