just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
