Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
