Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
