Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize