I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
