saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's the barista slut.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
