question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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