Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You are the jesus of drinking
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
