I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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