My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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