Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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