She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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