Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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