The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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