I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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