when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
