I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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