Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
