ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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