..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
