She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
