We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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