The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
