I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
