if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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