There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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