His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
