you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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