she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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