I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
