I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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