my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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