I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Come see our sink grown plant.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
