One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
