She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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