I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
