She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
