i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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