Your mouth is God's brothel.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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