you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
