She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
