guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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