hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
