Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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