your parents love me but you hate me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
