Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
