With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
