Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
