I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
