i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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