I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
