After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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