i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
