We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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