420 ftw
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
