1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
