So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
