Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
