so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
