I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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