I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
