I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
