You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
