I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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